I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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