i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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