the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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