On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This is classic penis vs brain.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize