I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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