I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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