even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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