Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
