OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize