I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
tell me about the fingering
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