The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am available for nakedness
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
