Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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