omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
