so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
