he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
