Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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