I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
