I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
