ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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