This girl is more easily done than said...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
