Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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