seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize