My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
