Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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