what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
