let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
