Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
