the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
