i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
