are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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