u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
