I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
