You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
