im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
