1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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