I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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