I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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