just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
