i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
