Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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