I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Four minutes until I can fart!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
