I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
