You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize