That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
