omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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