That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
