I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize