I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize