I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
