She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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