porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
