i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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