I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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