are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
