I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
