Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
