just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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