hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
