i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize