Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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