Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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