Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
