im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
