the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
