ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
