Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize