I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
