i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
