I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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