she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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